yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
