Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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