you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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