Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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