Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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