I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
