there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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