At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
