): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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