On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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