Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just had sex on a roof
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
