I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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