She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
