3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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