Buhtt sex?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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