They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
