The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
