i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
