Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
