my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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