bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
