Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
