I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
