My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
