is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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