She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
