the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
