The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The power of my boobs compel you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
