I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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