so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
