She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize