In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
