just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
nutella sex= disaster
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
