You can't special order awesome
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
