Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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