R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
