Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
