Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
