I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
