Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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