Just fell off a train. Bad.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
