Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize