you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
