I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
