Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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