They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
