no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
