K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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