drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Congratulations! We have a period
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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