HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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