3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
