i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
