I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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