Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Text me some of your sweat
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
