hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
