So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
