I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
