your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
