So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
