Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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