drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize