Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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