i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
