OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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