I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
