hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
