i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
