last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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