every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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