i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Boobs speak an international language.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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