He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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