you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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