I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
