Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize