Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She's the barista slut.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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