I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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