Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
