i can't believe i had my finger in that
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize