So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
