did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
