I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
