we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
