She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
