Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
