Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
