She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was not drunk enough for that final.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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