Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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