i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
