if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
